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Mother of "ASK FRANCES" Columnist is Her Daughter's Best Advocate
Felecia Rivers remembers panicking the first time her then 16-year-old daughter spoke about her hyperhidrosis condition in public, at a New York City press conference launching the International Hyperhidrosis Society's Know Sweat campaign before a roomful of dermatologists and media representatives.
"As her mother, I wanted to protect her," says Felecia Rivers, who also has a son, 29. "And so I'm panicking, thinking there's no way this girl is going to be able to do this. She was the only teen speaking. Everybody else was a doctor. So I gave her some notes. 'Just use these note cards', I told her."
Then, just before it was Frances' turn to speak as the brand-new spokesperson for the International Hyperhidrosis Society, she approached her mother where she was sitting in the audience.
"She said, 'I don't need the cards, Mother. I feel fine. I feel confident telling my story.' "
Frances was fine. In fact, Felecia Rivers remembers, Frances received a standing ovation, and half the crowd was in tears as Frances told the story of having palmar hyperhidrosis so bad in first grade, no one would hold her hand, of wearing 15 sweat shirts as a teen to hide the sweat, a story that ultimately ended in success when Frances and her mother discovered Botox and iontophoresis.
The poised, well-spoken young lady went on from that first speech to earn recognition from CosmoGIRL! and The Oprah Magazine and the chance at a statewide beauty title. But it was in that moment, at that press conference, that Felecia Rivers never felt prouder of her daughter and all she had overcome and become. She knew then that her daughter had a gift. She also knew she'd had something to do with the honing of it.
"I realized for the first time that she had been watching me all these years. She had been through some of my trainings, watching me speak in front of a crowd of people. She must have been paying attention."
Felecia Rivers, who has a degree in business and a minor in social work, began working before Frances was born, before she ever knew the word, hyperhidrosis, as an account executive for Fashion Fair Cosmetics. It is a job that demands poise, sales and people skills and frequent travel to cities throughout North Carolina and her home state Virginia. When she's not traveling, she's working from her Virginia Beach home-based office, an office that Felecia replicated for Frances when she was a little girl.
"At one point, I made Frances a little mini desk with a cute little phone. She could pretend she was on the phone in the other corner of the room while I was conducting business in mine. I have a picture of her with pencils in her hair like she's conducting business."
Frances was always a bubbly, active child, Felecia remembers. But as she entered her teenaged years, she began to isolate, refusing social invitations and retreating to her bedroom after school. Felecia tried to counsel Frances. But she figured she was just experiencing the normal adolescence angst -- until one day when Frances came to her mother in tears. She was 15.
"The tears in her eyes made me stop. She said, 'I can't stop sweating. My life is over. I can't go to social events. I can't sleep over at anybody's house.'"
Felecia Rivers, in characteristic mother-bear form, remembers dropping everything to do research on what she later learned was hyperhidrosis, an often embarrassing medical condition, especially so for teenagers, which apparently had been causing her daughter paralyzing distress.
"She told me all the stories, about how she would walk through a department store and open the door and somebody would come behind her to open the same door and say 'Yuk' because the door handle was wet. Even when she was little, she said nobody in elementary school wanted to hold her hands. It had been affecting everything in her life, from her grades in school, to her relationships with her friends, to her relationships in the household. It was an embarrassing situation that she did not know how to deal with."
Felecia Rivers' research ultimately led to the International Hyperhidrosis Society, which led to our physician finder service and to dermatologist and founding member, Dr. David Pariser, who helped bring Frances back to herself – and then some.
"She started as a shy and somewhat introverted teenager," recalls Dr. Pariser. "After treatment, she got her self confidence back. She turned into an outgoing woman, a candidate for the Miss Teen Virginia pageant and a spokesperson for hyperhidrosis. Her treatment dramatically changed her life, and she in turn, went on to help many others with their own hyperhidrosis."
"We owe so much to Frances and her endearing, honest and brave advocacy," says IHHS Executive Director Lisa Pieretti. "The very first campaign she worked on, the Know Sweat campaign, was lauded and recognized by the communications industry, in part because we had people like Frances working on it."
Since her "coming out," Frances has been unstoppable. It was right after her first press conference that she was featured in the popular teen magazine, CosmoGIRL!, as a role model for other young women struggling to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. The following year, Frances went on to participate in and win a local beauty pageant and to compete for the 2006 Miss Virginia Teen. This spring, she and her mother were chosen "dream team winners" in a campaign www.omagazine.info/doveawards/ sponsored by Dove and The Oprah Magazine and dedicated to young girls and their role models. Frances wrote to the campaign that her mother is her "biggest advocate." She has been her constant role model, says Frances.
"I just remember being there 24-7 with my mother, watching her every move when I was little, wanting to be like that, wanting to inspire people like she did," says Frances, 19 now, and looking to another pageant while studying at a local community college to be an elementary teacher. "She took care of everything and made sure everything was done, no matter what it was."
Says Felecia: "It has just truly been a blessing, seeing a flower blossom from this little bud that had gotten so shy and introverted. To see her competing at the beauty pageant, being able to walk downstairs in a bathing suit in heels with soles in her shoes to keep from slipping. I had tears in my eyes. I just kept thinking, 'Wow. You're great.' "
Together and individually, you are both an inspiration to all of us here at IHHS. Happy Mother's Day with our admiration and gratitude for your story.
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